Elephant in the Room Discussions A listening tool from The Listening Tool Kit By Wendell Amstutz differences? You may want to try this approach: "We likely will not change each other's mind. BUT I think we can Another great listening tool you will learn to use is the "Elephant in the Room Tool" that is introduced in the Ustening Tool Kit book help each other better understand the other's position. In other words we need to agree to disagree while upholding each other's dignity. We might part company over this but lets not burn bridges Positive" and "productive" are NOT words that come to mind when it comes to considering participation in "Elephant in the Room Discussions. "Avoid at ALL costs seems a more likely t Perhaps you have been in difficult and or controvenial conversations that have quickly disintegrated from discussion to debate to heated disagreement to destructive words that led to de-railed relationships Elephant in the Room discussions occu in numerous venues. Start with pollics. Add religion, sexually, education, racial divides, broken relationships, various beliefs and behavior...there is no shortage of disagreements that divide us Totally avoiding walking or running away from such discussions seems at times to be the better port of wisdom. Then again, perhaps we should consider on allerative strategy. My valued fiend. Rochester Fire Chief Eric Kenka and his team approach physical danger differently. Consider Kenko's strategy when responding to fres: "When other people are running out, we are running in." I deeply admire the heroic efforts of our EMS personnel BUT applying the steps strategically putting out fres to responding to controversial and heated discussions that merits further consideration Are positive and productive Elephant in the Room Discussions even possible? That is a powerful question, one that desperately needs an answer especially with a Presidential Election fast approaching and Holiday Gatherings just around the comer. Here are some ideas to consider about perhaps running in when others are running out when it comes to Elephant in the Room Discussions. The strategy involves asking more questions, making less statements. Though these are not actual questions there are two "GOLD" statements that serve as good questions. There are several other insights that lay a helpful foundation for Elephant in the Room Discussions "PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND and "TELL ME MORE" work remarkably well when responding to disagreement. Consider these responses and questions: "I don't have all of the answers. I don't even know what I don't know. especially about your position. Ikely can learn from you and need to learn more as we go. Can lask questions about your take on this matter? Would you ask me questions about what I believe, my views, my sacred cows? (Expecta mixed bag of responses). "Like you. I have strong views on this matter. Obviously we disagree on some matters and agree on others. Can we agree to respectfully disagree and s have a positive and productive discussions it possible to have tendships that are bigger than our There are several questions that have worked well when I remember to use them in the midst of a heated discussion. See what you think: "What are the primary points of your position? Tell me about the strengths of your position. What do opponents of your position usually misstate or fail to understand? "There are some things I don't understand. Can I ask you some questions that will help me better understand where you are coming from "Sometimes differences are "we totally disagree 100% other times it is more like 80-20.60-40. How do you see this difference is there some common ground or do we fotally disagree?" Entering controversial "Elephant in the Room Discussions often is full of minefields and looming disaster. Historically we have been told what to discuss and what "never to talk about." My track record regarding "Running in when other people are running out of Elephant in the Room Discussions include mixed results. I do know that asking genuine and thought provoking questions work better for me, than does making statements that clearly express my obviously conect) positions. What (actually) works best for you? Amstutz further discusses "Elephant in the Room Discussions as a primary tool in his book, The Listening ToolKit...60 Tools to Enhance Your Listening Skills" Ten Tools Guaranteed to Improve your Listening Skills 1 USTENING IS THE FIRST STEP TO UNDERSTANDING. We VALUE people when we genuinely listen to them. THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT STATEMENTS OF LISTENING: 2 PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND ON TELL ME MORE 3 GOOD USTENERS CONSISTENTLY ASK MEANINGFUL Questions requiring thought mostly get insightful answers. AGREE TO DISAGREE WITHOUT BEING DISAGREEABLE. MOST people agree on 80% of life's concerns. 4 Respectful when possible disagree on the remaining 20% and move on. EXPECT THE BEST FROM FELLOW CONVERSATIONALISTS. MOST of the time you will get the BEST. USTENING IS ABOUT LEARNING. Icon LEARN kom you. Would you teach me about..? Lifelong LEARNERS invariably become good listeners. Stories (Yours. Mine. Others) intrigue. fascinate and 8elp us understand one another often leading to relationships Life lessons leamed from the School of HARD KNOCKS 9 offer some of listening's finest moments, resonating of a significantly deeper level LISTENING REQUIRES CONCENTRATION. OBNOXIOUS DIFFICULT PEOPLE ARE HURTING PEOPLE. 10 The brain works four to seven times faster than the 5urting people HURT people and genuinely need grace. mouth can speak. Staying focused is hard WORK! BONUS TOOL GRATITUDE IS ONE OF LISTENING'S BEST GAME-CHANGERS. And of gratitude invariably leads to transformation NC National Community RC Resource Center 3027 Seventh St N, Rich, MN 5501 507-254-125 www.NCommunityRC.org Wendell & the NCRC team Building Bridges in Rochester and beyond, for more than thirty four years! Connecting People in Need with People Who Can Help-Setting People Free! in-DEED! VALUING OTHERS Together Elephant in the Room Discussions A listening tool from The Listening Tool Kit By Wendell Amstutz differences ? You may want to try this approach : " We likely will not change each other's mind . BUT I think we can Another great listening tool you will learn to use is the " Elephant in the Room Tool " that is introduced in the Ustening Tool Kit book help each other better understand the other's position . In other words we need to agree to disagree while upholding each other's dignity . We might part company over this but lets not burn bridges Positive " and " productive " are NOT words that come to mind when it comes to considering participation in " Elephant in the Room Discussions . " Avoid at ALL costs seems a more likely t Perhaps you have been in difficult and or controvenial conversations that have quickly disintegrated from discussion to debate to heated disagreement to destructive words that led to de - railed relationships Elephant in the Room discussions occu in numerous venues . Start with pollics . Add religion , sexually , education , racial divides , broken relationships , various beliefs and behavior ... there is no shortage of disagreements that divide us Totally avoiding walking or running away from such discussions seems at times to be the better port of wisdom . Then again , perhaps we should consider on allerative strategy . My valued fiend . Rochester Fire Chief Eric Kenka and his team approach physical danger differently . Consider Kenko's strategy when responding to fres : " When other people are running out , we are running in . " I deeply admire the heroic efforts of our EMS personnel BUT applying the steps strategically putting out fres to responding to controversial and heated discussions that merits further consideration Are positive and productive Elephant in the Room Discussions even possible ? That is a powerful question , one that desperately needs an answer especially with a Presidential Election fast approaching and Holiday Gatherings just around the comer . Here are some ideas to consider about perhaps running in when others are running out when it comes to Elephant in the Room Discussions . The strategy involves asking more questions , making less statements . Though these are not actual questions there are two " GOLD " statements that serve as good questions . There are several other insights that lay a helpful foundation for Elephant in the Room Discussions " PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND and " TELL ME MORE " work remarkably well when responding to disagreement . Consider these responses and questions : " I don't have all of the answers . I don't even know what I don't know . especially about your position . Ikely can learn from you and need to learn more as we go . Can lask questions about your take on this matter ? Would you ask me questions about what I believe , my views , my sacred cows ? ( Expecta mixed bag of responses ) . " Like you . I have strong views on this matter . Obviously we disagree on some matters and agree on others . Can we agree to respectfully disagree and s have a positive and productive discussions it possible to have tendships that are bigger than our There are several questions that have worked well when I remember to use them in the midst of a heated discussion . See what you think : " What are the primary points of your position ? Tell me about the strengths of your position . What do opponents of your position usually misstate or fail to understand ? " There are some things I don't understand . Can I ask you some questions that will help me better understand where you are coming from " Sometimes differences are " we totally disagree 100 % other times it is more like 80-20.60-40 . How do you see this difference is there some common ground or do we fotally disagree ? " Entering controversial " Elephant in the Room Discussions often is full of minefields and looming disaster . Historically we have been told what to discuss and what " never to talk about . " My track record regarding " Running in when other people are running out of Elephant in the Room Discussions include mixed results . I do know that asking genuine and thought provoking questions work better for me , than does making statements that clearly express my obviously conect ) positions . What ( actually ) works best for you ? Amstutz further discusses " Elephant in the Room Discussions as a primary tool in his book , The Listening ToolKit ... 60 Tools to Enhance Your Listening Skills " Ten Tools Guaranteed to Improve your Listening Skills 1 USTENING IS THE FIRST STEP TO UNDERSTANDING . We VALUE people when we genuinely listen to them . THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT STATEMENTS OF LISTENING : 2 PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND ON TELL ME MORE 3 GOOD USTENERS CONSISTENTLY ASK MEANINGFUL Questions requiring thought mostly get insightful answers . AGREE TO DISAGREE WITHOUT BEING DISAGREEABLE . MOST people agree on 80 % of life's concerns . 4 Respectful when possible disagree on the remaining 20 % and move on . EXPECT THE BEST FROM FELLOW CONVERSATIONALISTS . MOST of the time you will get the BEST . USTENING IS ABOUT LEARNING . Icon LEARN kom you . Would you teach me about .. ? Lifelong LEARNERS invariably become good listeners . Stories ( Yours . Mine . Others ) intrigue . fascinate and 8elp us understand one another often leading to relationships Life lessons leamed from the School of HARD KNOCKS 9 offer some of listening's finest moments , resonating of a significantly deeper level LISTENING REQUIRES CONCENTRATION . OBNOXIOUS DIFFICULT PEOPLE ARE HURTING PEOPLE . 10 The brain works four to seven times faster than the 5urting people HURT people and genuinely need grace . mouth can speak . Staying focused is hard WORK ! BONUS TOOL GRATITUDE IS ONE OF LISTENING'S BEST GAME - CHANGERS . And of gratitude invariably leads to transformation NC National Community RC Resource Center 3027 Seventh St N , Rich , MN 5501 507-254-125 www.NCommunityRC.org Wendell & the NCRC team Building Bridges in Rochester and beyond , for more than thirty four years ! Connecting People in Need with People Who Can Help - Setting People Free ! in - DEED ! VALUING OTHERS Together